Martha Spence Letter to Emmeline Free Young.
(Copied from Not by Bread Alone, The Journal of Martha
Spence Heywood 1950-1856, edited by Juanita Brooks)
The following letter,
written by Martha Spence Heywood to Emmeline Free Young, a wife of Brigham
Young, is printed here with the kind permission
of the Archives
Division, Historical Department, Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is especially revelatory of Martha's feelings about herself, her lack of domestic skills, her loneliness, and her unusual experiences prior to her marriage.
Dear Sister Emeline
Nephi Decd. 9th [1855] Sunday afternoon
How I long to write one good sentimental letter (one of my favorite amusements in past years) But since I've become a wife & mother all sentiment has died away in the realities of life, such as, cooking, washing, waiting
on
babies, &c, also the continual trafic of borrowing
& lending a necessary evil peculiarly adapted to new settlements, and now that you are actually living in a new settlement even Filmore I will dare to visit with you, through the medium
of the pen. But were you yet in the old city of Salt Lake, I wd not think of commiting so great a blunder as to write a love letter to the Lady of the Governor
of Utah the youngest but fairest & certainly most virtuous of Uncle Sam's family. I feel lonesome at times even in the proud & boasting city of Nephi, & when a letter arrives
from the aforesaid Salt Lake City, it is very interesting.
Now its not for me to say that this letter will be interesting. But
if it wiles away a few moments
of
the
dull tedium of domestic affairs
(what Felicia Hemans styled "the horrors of dinner ordering."
but may be, you cook dinner & wash dishes-possible!
Governor's wife washes dishes! Oh my poor nerves!
) the endeavor will not be lost. But to the subject matter. You never was an old maid was you?
Well I know you never was, & what of it? Why you know nothing
about what I once was, or the path I trod. Well, I learned
many things journeying that path , that could not be learnt in any other path, I learned the value of a home, that I now appreciate so highly, ('tho, but three years enjoying this blessing, ) the value of belonging to somebody by the years experience of belonging to nobody, and gaining through that Somebody whom we call Lord , the rich blessing of children to give tone & exercise to the long treasured
up woman's feelings, that many times seemed to burst the vessel
that
contained them.
I love my home, I dearly
love the first & only home I'v
had, since I first left my father's house, then in my twenty third year, & experience since then, has proven
that I had a good mother, whose teachings & precepts comes in play every day of my present life, & whose memory is revered in the deep recesses of my heart . And I want to do by my children, that they may realize
in
their after years what I have for many years past.
My Mother died in the city of Dublin 14 Fehr 1837 I was then in New York City for the second
time
having crossed the Atlantic Ocean the third time. The event of her death almost crazed me, tho by an unaccountable operation in my mind I left my parents against their will, to come to America. But retum'd
to make reconcilliation with them. I won my father over to an interest in America and he promised me, he would come but my dear mother never manifested a particle of interest in this country but to hate it
& died of a broken heart caused by father's
preparing to come.
During my visit to the homestead I was an invalid
& continually in my
mother's company but never could interest her, to converse on any topic relating to America And why? I will
tell you, by relating a little of a conversation that occurred between us,
"Mother, why do you dislike to hear
and talk about America?" Because I hate it ! "Will
you tell me
why you hate
it? It
has been kind
to your children. I know
for myself that I have been treated well as a stranger
in a strange land." She
burst into a
flood of tears saying
as she rose from her seat & left the room "America has
robbed me of my
children & therefore do I hate
it!" There were three of
her children then in this country, and the
fourth was determined to return, & I was the sole cause of her sever trouble which
ended in her death. The love of America
had taken hold of my heart long before I dared to breathe it to any one till a
circumstance in my Brother’s affairs made a jar in his business
department. Then I suggested (with a
view to help myself) the advantages of his going to America while young &
his family small, he swallowed the bait and talked the thing out in the family,
& soon came the desired moment for me to talk also. My father’s anger was very severe my mother’s
more silent but deeper & in a few month I left without one cent to defray the expenses of a journey across the Atlantic
then Oct 1834 in my 23rd year landed in New York with a debt of $40—&
not a cent to pay the first weeks board.
But even in a common boarding house we were regarded (a sister having
accompanied me & in the same predicament) as worthy of sympathy &
instead of taking our little items of jewelry there was exertions made to find
us sewing to pay for our expenses.
Well from that time to this, I have toiled &
toiled late & early on acct of poor health I have done it by the hardest
being obliged to travel often to recruit my health, did not know how to wash my
clothes till I was about thirty years old never cooked or kept house till I
came to Nephi never was a favorite with the multitude but never without one or
more true hearted friends, had many offers & expectations to be married but
always made it a point to look to the Lord to arrange such affairs for my good.
& I firmly believe that I have got
the very husband the Lord designed for me.
Well are you tired of Sentiment history &c If I was a good
housekeeper & had the wherewith I wd prefer making[ you a good Christmas
Cake all dotted over under & through the middle with little black spots
& larger brown ones, well “to want to, & can’t is hell” so says Bro
Brigham.
Well I want to be a good housekeeper and I just mean
to be one, in due time, I feel my awkardness so keenly, that I make blunders
often from that very feeling. I want to
improve my character in every respect and the special favor I have recd in the best men on Earth turning in, to humble dwelling & refreshing themselves
inspires me with greater zeal to become worthy of such honors. How is life in Filmore. I desire much to pay it a visit while you are
there, but have little hopes Best
respects to all the good Brethren & Sisters in your company Muff trade
pressing slowly Now sister Emeline I
have written this by stretches out of two Sundays excuse blunders & please
burn it up.
Martha Spence.
******
Matha's Journal: Not by Bread Alone - The Journal of Martha Spence Heywood, Digital Copy via Utah Division of State History (1850-1856)
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